Now heres a delima for ya, I'll start from the beginning,say your a 38yr old , self-sustaining, semi-modern woman. You left your extremely abusive husband 10yrs ago, with three young children in tow. Nothing to our names but a suitcase full of clothes, what was left of my dignity,and a tattered old typewriter case full of food bought with foodstamps so my kids wouldnt go hungry. It was a long ride to Arkansas and I wasnt sure how to feel. After 11 years, how could I not see, my family had been waiting to embrace me again. Oh, and the fear and the joy of my escape from him was so elating. I knew I was finnally free from his cage and I could never let him get his hands around me again!
So, over the years of custody battles, financial woes, relationships with the same ole crappy results. You find yourself looking back on your life and asking, was it all worth it? Sure I got a cute little house and a sporty car but they are not paid for. Yeah I've had good paying jobs that helped me get where I'm going but I earned those jobs with dedication and hard work. I was so hell-bent on trying to prove to my crappy ex who warped me, my confused kids who were growing up without me, my parents, my lovers and my egotistical self that I was good enough.
I dont know where this going right now but I'm fueled up on heartache. So here I am, 38 still, layed off from your job so you go back to college. Try to find a "career". Follow your heart , follow your heart, is all i hear inside.You finally ditch your[in]security blanket of a boyfreind after 7yrs. Immediately get a wild hair and hook up with a long-legged, guitar pickin man. What you thought would be a one night stand turned into an OH SHIT surprise real fast.
Sure I was rebelling, yeah I knew he was kinda bad, I knew people were talking about my "decisions", but I was looking for some fun. I'd been tied down to an older man who was comfortably numb and I would do anything just to feel good again. It felt good alright, good enough to let my guard down just enough-you know, to get that love-rush that we all crave.
It hit me like a ton of bricks, NO WAY, my eggs are rotten, I cant have babies, I'm too old, I like to party, I'm going to college, I'm a grandmother! This can't be happening!
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To be continued......................